Shopping, Shoes, and Me

I have never been a huge shopper.  I'm not one of those "girlie girls" who has to have a different pair of shoes for each outfit with a purse to match.  I don't feel the need to go shopping when I'm depressed.  In fact, I hated shopping growing up.  And that hatred extended into adulthood.

I'm sure my hatred for shopping started when our family's shopping trips for new clothes was an entire day of going from store to store in Des Moines which was an hour's drive away from home.  Oh the boredom!  Trying on shoes, trying on shirts, trying on jeans, etc.  And when I wasn't trying things on, somebody else was - which was even worse!  Long, slow, boring day ending with a late night arrival back home.  What made the trip a little worth it was that sometimes, my dad would decide to take us to Showbiz Pizza.  You know, what is now called Chuck E Cheese?

Even in high school, I dreaded shopping.  I didn't understand how other girls, including my sister, enjoyed going shopping.  I remember taking one of those trips to Des Moines while one of my sister's friends from college was visiting.  We arrived at a store and my mom told me to go pick out a pair of jeans to try on.  I walked into the jeans section and just stared.  I was completely lost!  I had no idea what to do, how to pick out jeans, what I liked, what would fit, how many to try on....too many decisions.  And I am just not great with making decisions and I often get overwhelmed when faced with decisions.  Thankfully, my sister's friend came to my rescue.  She helped me pick out jeans for me to try on.  I'm assuming the trip was a success, but I honestly don't remember what happened after that.

While in college, I still didn't enjoy shopping.  I never went out to get new clothes except once.  A few of us girls went out and picked out dresses for our banquets.  I bought a beautiful long black dress with a slit up the side.  But this didn't give me shopping fever.  My boyfriend at the time, now my husband, enjoyed shopping more than I did.  Oh the boredom!!  (Did I say that already?)  Yes, he dragged me shopping and I hated it.  I like to know what I want, go to one store, get what I need, and get out.  No window shopping, no looking around, no dilly dallying of any kind.  Ugh...just get me out of this store!

Would you believe my feelings started to change eventually?  And guess when that happened.  When I was pregnant with my first girl.  Funny how that works.  All of a sudden, I had this urge to shop.  Even though the doctor said it was likely a boy, I knew it had to be a girl because I wanted to shop.  This urge became stronger with my last pregnancy - also a girl.  And by this time, maternity clothes were pretty cute which made my desire to shop even stronger.  I started browsing maternity racks in every store...but still not enough to buy anything.  I was a newbie at this feeling and I really didn't know how to handle it.  This doesn't just apply to clothes.  I generally don't like to spend money on myself unless absolutely necessary.  It was while I was pregnant with my 2nd girl that I actually spent money on myself, on my own, with no one there to urge me to go ahead.  I stopped at a Wendy's and bought myself a Frosty.

Ok, stop laughing.

Yes, this was  a HUGE deal to me.  I would have never done this sort of thing before.  I was excited to tell my husband about it - my very first splurge on myself.  What did these girls do to me?!?!

Now that my youngest is 5, I still have that shopping urge in me.  Every year my sisters, mom, grandma, and I try to get together for a girls' weekend, which of course includes shopping!  And instead of dreading it or hating it, I'm excited for it.  I plan what I want to buy and where to buy it and I have fun when the others are shopping for what they want and I'm just watching - or giving advice.  I think that helps make it fun.  Because, well, being that I didn't start out a shopper, I'm not really keen on what's in and what's not.  My husband tells me what I look good in.  My sisters tell me what is in style and looks good on me.  I can't lose.

More and more, I am finding myself wanting to shop.  I stare at the clothes at Walmart when I'm there for groceries.  I even have a favorite store - Gordman's!  I LOVE that store!!  It actually takes effort not to try something on when I'm in that store.  I'm also realizing that I may be fascinated with shoes.  I want to try on more shoes and have more shoes!  Even bags and purses are becoming attractive.  Really, what is wrong with me?  And do you know what I spent my time doing this evening?  Designing clothes.  DESIGNING!  I think maybe watching Project Runway has something to do with that.  But, wow, that is fun!  And earrings.  Yep, I even designed some earrings.  I've had a couple of earring ideas in my head and I actually saw one pair of earrings at the Women's Fair that I was picturing in my head.  So, I didn't design them, but they were exactly what I was wanting - so of course I bought them!  I didn't even second guess it.  Can you believe that?  I don't even second guess some of my purchases any more.  Scary!  Ok, some I do second guess, but usually, I know what I want and what I like and if I have the money, I'll spend it.

Since I'm a fairly new shopping-for-fun convert, I hope I don't become one of those shoppaholics.  Yikes.  So, who's up for a trip to Gordman's with me?  I think I may need some new shoes.

His Purpose

Today, being Good Friday, I have been thinking about what Jesus endured on the day He died.  He knew He would have to die a horrible death.  There was no way out of it - unless He chose to not save His creation.  But He couldn't do that.  His love is much bigger than the pain He had to suffer.  He was born for one purpose - to die in order that we could be saved.

Fully God and fully man, Jesus chose to allow Himself to be beaten, to be torn, to be broken.  He endured pain that I, myself, cannot even fathom.  And that was just the physical pain.  He had to carry the burden of all the sins of the world.  The burden of my own sin is heavy enough for me, but He bore everyone's sin on that cross.  From the fall in the Garden of Eden to the end of the world, every sin was layed upon Jesus.  He suffered the guilt and shame as He carried my sin to that cross.  And His own Father had to turn away from Him.  God the Father could not see His Son covered in so much sin.  Jesus BECAME SIN.  God the Father, being perfect, had to forsake God the Son.  Jesus suffered physical, spiritual, and emotional pain for me.

Yet, He still showed His love.  "Forgive them," He said, as He hung on that brutal cross.  Slivers of wood punctured further into his back which was already raw from the bone-tipped whips of the soldiers.  He was unrecognizable.  Thorns pressed further into His forehead.  Large nails held His arms and feet in place.  And He hung there, in agony, barely able to breathe and He still said, "Forgive them..."  This is my God!  He had so much love for me.  He pushed aside the pain and chose to die in my place on that cross.

I deserve that punishment.  I deserve hell.  I am a sinner without excuse.  But Jesus chose to take that sin and bury it.  He chose out of His love for me to endure the punishment Himself so that I wouldn't have to.  Jesus took MY place on that cross.

This was His purpose.  He came, born as a baby, to die.  No one else can say that.  No other god has done that.  Jesus, my Lord, my Savior, my God, did.  I can do nothing but live for Him.  That is my purpose - to bring glory to God in all I do.  Do I fulfill that?  Hardly.  I'm still a sinner.  But, because I have chosen to serve God, I am forgiven.  Not because of my good deeds, but because I have let Jesus take the fall for me.

Why is today so "good" then?  Because if Jesus hadn't chosen to die, we would all be headed to hell.  I would go to hell.  It is good that Jesus died.  It was the joy that was set before Him.

His purpose was to die for me.  My purpose is to live for Him.

Hebrews 12:1-2 "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Facing our Fears

I don't have your "normal" fears.  There are 3 phobias that plague me.  One - stinging insects.  This is one of the reasons why I hate summer.  (Yes, I HATE summer!)  When I was about 5 years old, I was stung by a large bee on my eyelid while on vacation.  Since having children, I have tried to face that fear so my kids don't have the same phobia.  It hasn't worked very well.  Partially because I still panic when I see one.  This includes bees, wasps, hornets, etc.  I must say that I am doing better around them than I was 5 or 6 years ago.

My second phobia - people with rubber bands.  I don't trust them.  My actual fear is that they will shoot the rubber band and blind someone when it snaps in someone's eye.  I am not sure what this fear stems from, but I have a feeling it's something my mom said when we were kids.  (Similar to the popular "you're gonna shoot your eye out" from The Christmas Story).  You will not find rubber bands in my house.  If you do, I was either unaware that we had it or it belongs to a game.  I throw rubber bands that enter my house away.  I haven't even tried to face this fear.  I just get rid of the ability to shoot them.

My third phobia - holding hot drinks around active kids.  When my son was just over a year old, we went on a hayride.  Afterwards, hot chocolate was served.  I was holding J while drinking my hot chocolate.  As I lifted the cup to my mouth for a sip, J hit the bottom of the cup throwing the hot chocolate into my face.  I had blisters and spent the rest of the evening with a cold wash cloth on my face.  For a few years, I literally shook in fear whenever a small child came near me while I was drinking something hot.  Nowadays, I'm not quite as scared, but I'm still very nervous.

Yesterday, my daughter, K, faced one of her fears and conquered it.  There's a McDonald's with a PlayPlace that we sometimes go to for fun.  It wasn't my plan yesterday but Chick-Fil-A was way too packed so off to McDonald's we went instead.

Here it is: the PlayPlace.  See that meshed or netted area on the right?  That is what kept K from sliding down the yellow slide.  Crossing that mesh was the only way to get to the yellow slide.

It's not the height.  All 3 of my kids had no issues climbing to the top in order to go down the green slide.  You can see J up there here.

Little A was just fine with the height of the green slide and the mesh leading to the yellow slide. 

 As shown below.

I remember when Little A wasn't quite big enough to climb these steps.

She wanted so badly to climb them and go down the slides.  Little A has no fear!

We have been to this particular PlayPlace several times and each time, K crawls up to the mesh, tries a step, then backs out.  On this particular day, J was having a hayday with it, calling her a scaredy cat.  This caught on with the other kids who got confused and started calling Little A a scaredy cat.  She was a bit upset with this because it wasn't her who was scared, it was K.  After a bit, K became extremely frustrated as J wouldn't let it go.  I finally had to tell J to quit.  Once he did, the other kids quit too.  But, I think all this torment just pushed her to face her fear head on.

She climbed up, put her foot out there and...

...suddenly she was across.  But in order to get to that yellow slide, she had to cross not 1, but 2 mesh areas.

But she faced it and conquered it.  She was able to go down the yellow slide several times after this.

She is very proud of herself.  I'm proud of her, too.

Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.' "