The new year is upon us. People are making resolutions for the new year. Goals to work for. Lifestyles to change. Being a better person. It's a fresh start. A clean slate. Forget the mistakes of the past and move towards a better tomorrow. Right?
I don't ever plan on making a New Year's resolution, but somehow, I seem to anyway. A friend of mine in high school would say every year that her New Year's resolution is to not make a New Year's resolution. It always made me laugh.
My "resolution" for this upcoming year is to let go. I have battled with discontentment this year. Well, not just this year, but it has sickened my well-being this year. It infested me with bitterness and questioning God's plan.
When we moved to Wichita in 2001, our goal was to live here for 5 years and then move to a place more permanent. Like Wyoming. We started in an apartment and then bought our first house in Feb. of 2002. It was a small house, a good starter home. We only had one kid with hopes of having more. It was close to where Seth worked which was also where we went to church. It was convenient for us then. Guess what. We're still there. Not only have we been in Wichita for 10 years, we're still in that small starter home we moved into almost 10 years ago. We've added a 3rd bedroom in the basement, finished the basement, painted the walls, redid the bathroom, redid the kitchen cabinets, built a deck, all in hopes of making it more buyable. We have more plans too. We currently cannot eat in our kitchen/dining area because it's too small and it doesn't fit a family of 5. Remember, we started in this house as a family of 3. We need to repaint the walls and replace the living room carpet. But God hasn't opened any doors for us to move. And so we wait.
We tried selling the house shortly after A was born. We wanted to move closer to church - since we switched churches - and into a better school district. We tried 2 different realtors, but no one could afford our house. Not that it was priced too high, but the housing market has been awful the last 5 years and selling anything was nearly impossible. So, we didn't move. We adjusted to our small house. This is when we added the 3rd bedroom.
Soon, we clearly saw why God didn't want us to move. Our neighborhood became full of kids who had never heard about God. We started by bringing them to AWANA, then to VBS, then some started coming to Sunday School, and more came to VBS. I became willing to be used of God to reach out to these kids, even though I considered myself "not a kid-person." But then it became more stressful as each week went by. I began to dread Sundays. I felt drained and couldn't possibly push to do more. I would repeat to myself "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." Then, it became obvious that bringing kids to Sunday School was no longer working. We planted the seeds, opened our home, opened our hearts, but they have rejected the Lord. We can't force them to want to learn about God. We can't force them to listen. They have clearly shown no desire for hearing about God. All they want to do is play. So, we decided to end that ministry. We will still bring them to AWANA if they still wish to go.
Our neighborhood isn't the best place to raise kids. If you were to ask any Wichita locals what areas of town were bad news, ours would certainly come up. There are gangs just north and east of us. I can't let my kids go running around in the neighborhood. They're limited to our street. The summer brings out the crime. We've been robbed twice. There have been drive-by shootings and domestic violence in our area. Even murders and beatings. It's just not a safe place to be.
I'm sure you can all see why I want so badly to move. Not just out of this small house, but out of this neighborhood. And to add to those desires, we want to live closer to family - either mine or Seth's. It's just hard being away from family all the time. And Seth, he needs his open spaces for hunting. He was never a city boy. He doesn't like to be cooped up in the house with "nothing" to do. I want freedom to go jogging without worrying about what creeps might be lurking about. I want to let my kids run off and go play without worrying about where they are. I want to ride bikes as a family in a small-town street, not a busy street with cars flying by. I want to call up my mom or sister or mother-in-law or sister-in-law and know I will always have a babysitter when I need one. I do have a sister in town, but she has 2 kids of her own and her own in-laws here as well. I tend to let her be with her husband's family here and not push to have sister time until we're all together with our family. I also dream of having a home where I can entertain large groups of people, host guests overnight, and be ready for my kids bringing several friends home after school when they hit those teenage years. I want my kids to attend a small school where the whole town is involved in the school's activities and my kids have the same opportunities that I did - music, sports, competitions.
My discontentment hit rock bottom just a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't have been more ready to leave this house and I didn't understand why God hadn't provided a way out yet. I felt trapped, suffocated, forgotten by God. Then He brought this thought to mind - how long did Abraham and Sarah have to wait for a son? My response? They had to wait several years. And, yes, they were impatient and tried to make it happen on their own, but it wasn't Your plan. But You PROMSIED them a son! Have You even promised us a new home?
Ding ding ding. He never promised that we would have a new home with open spaces and great for entertaining and hosting overnight guests. He never promised that my kids could have a similar childhood to that of Seth's or my own. So, what then? Do I still live like I'm going to move someday? How do I live in this house, literally boxing things up waiting for a better place, as if we may never leave?
When we arrived at my parents' house for Christmas, I was unable to sleep. Which is normal. But this time, my thoughts were seriously questioning God and what He was doing - or not doing - in my life. I finally got up to read my Bible. It had been a while since I had spent some time with Him with all the busyness and illnesses. (And, I realize busyness isn't an excuse but should be more of a reason to spend some quiet time with the Lord). I read a few pages of my devotional book, each offering help in the battle I was in. Then I come to one entitled "Honoring Heart's Desires." One of the verses given was Psalm 37:4 which I had memorized years ago and called it my life verse for several years. It says, "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart." Then, speaking to God, I said, "I have!! I've lived in this neighborhood, reached out to the kids even when I didn't want to, I still did as You have asked. I homeschool my kids because that is what You have called me to do. I am learning to enjoy being a wife and a mom even though that is never what I wanted. I am realizing that I may never get to do the job that I feel like I would truly enjoy. I'm sticking to Your plans and desires, but yet not one of my dreams has been fulfilled! You still have not given my MY heart's desires!! When is that ever going to happen?"
Yes, I was angry. Confused. I felt like I had done all that He had asked and yet I was not fulfilled. Silly me. It's not about me. It's about Him. I read on. "To cultivate a grateful attitude, she will have to deliberately think grateful thoughts to God even though she may not feel like it. God will do the rest." I read that several times and even underlined it. How often am I grateful for the things God has given me? For the things He has done for me? I go through days where I am hugely grateful and I thank Him throughout the day for this amazing life. Then I have those days where somebody else has the greener grass and I wish my life was different. In those days, I question God's sovereignty.
I continued reading. "What a wife desires is what she spends time thinking about (for me that would be writing songs professionally or acting), daydreaming about (for me that would be my dream job), planning for (for me that would moving to that perfect house), longing after (for me that would be to serve the Lord with a big house)." Are these the Lord's desires or just mine? Then I read this: "What you have your heart set on will make all the difference in the world in your fulfillment and your joy." I had my heart set on things that couldn't happen right now. My heart was set on things that were not in God's plan for me right now. Will they ever happen? I don't know. But I realized at this moment, that I had to set my heart on things now, on what the Lord is doing NOW. And I had to give up my dreams. Then I cried, mourning for my dreams that may never come true. Because, now I was ready to live in God's timeframe and His plan for His purpose. I need to let go.
So, now I have a new outlook on living. Some of the things I've been putting away for that "someday" that may never happen, I have chosen to get rid of. I am choosing to let go of my dreams. I may never be a professional songwriter - but I do get to write songs and sing them in church. I may never get to act on a professional stage or in a sitcom - but I get to act in our VBS skits that I have written with some of the most amazing people I know! I may never have my dream job, which right now is performing autopsies, discovering how someone died or who they are - but I get to be at home raising my kids, teaching them about the Lord. I may never have that perfect house - but no matter what house I have on this earth, it's only temporary. God is preparing a place for me in heaven. I may never get to serve large groups of people or host several overnight guests, but I do have a home I can use to serve the Lord in the condition it is in now.
I got the book "The Resolution for Women" for Christmas from my parents. I've already started reading it and would you believe the first chapter is on contentment? It's hitting home right where I'm at. I love how God does that. My goal, my resolution, for 2012, is to live where I am at without waiting and hoping for something better. All the dreams that I've been hanging on to, I resolve to let go.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
And Baby turns 5
5 years ago, I was pregnant with our youngest. This was the first time I went passed my due date. My older 2 were born 2 weeks early so imagine my disappointment when this one didn't follow suit. I was only a day late according to the last due date given to me, but a week late according to the first due date given to me. I was in the midst of a huge baby boom. Almost everyone I knew was having a baby, and many of them due in December. 2 of my friends had their babies a week before I did - and one of them wasn't even due until Feb.
Although I love being pregnant, this pregnancy was a lot more uncomfortable than my other pregnancies. I would find out why when this one was born. I don't remember how the day started, but it ended with a nameless baby girl in my arms.
I had already gone in on the 18th with false labor. I didn't want to do that again. After making arrangements for the kids - again - and heading to the hospital - again, it was finally the real thing. However, I wasn't progressing. At all. And since my previous birth was a c-section, extra precautions had to be taken. I didn't want another c-section. I wanted to experience natural childbirth once more. But that would not be the case. As contractions came back-to-back, the baby's heartrate continued to drop. Its head wasn't quite in position where it needed to be so they couldn't break my water. Any position that worked for me was worse for the baby. Finally, they decided we needed another c-section.
We never find out the gender so we only had a boy's name picked out. We were not able to agree on a girl's name. And sure enough, it was a girl. What would we name her? We knew her middle name and what we would call her, but we didn't know what full first name to use. As they were putting me back together and cleaning things up, I was told there was so much scar tissue from my last c-section that my uterus had been attached to my abdominal wall. Well, no wonder my pregnancy was so uncomfortable! Every time the baby moved, it pulled against my abs and possibly other organs. And the epidural didn't completely take as I was feeling some sharp pain. Again, due to the extra scar tissue.
She was 17 inches long and weighed 6lbs 10oz. She passed the APGAR as far as I can remember. Nothing drastic there. But I had to ask if she was a boy or girl and they answered very casually, it's a girl. She was my littlest baby.
Since we were attempting a VBAC, we had to give birth at the hospital instead of the birth center. However, the hospital was already full of babies and the only room left was one in the birth center. Before we could move, baby girl had to maintain her temperature. But she couldn't. They put her under a heat lamp to warm her up and shut it off to see if she could stay at that temperature. I think they had to do this 3 times before she was finally able to keep up her temperature on her own. Then they wheeled us underground, under the street, and into the birthing center where we finally got settled into recovery. By this time we had been discussing names and were starting to lean towards one particular name. Before Seth left, sometime after midnight, we had finally chosen a name and made it official.
The last 5 years have been amazing. We can't imagine what life would have been like without her. She brings us such joy everyday. She's sometimes shy, but other times talkative. I've been told that she is my mini-me. Aside from her blue eyes and left-handedness, she is very much like me. Her favorite animal is the owl and her favorite candy is Whoppers. I love this because my mom's favorite animal is the owl and my dad's favorite candy is Whoppers. She walks like her dad and started walking at 8 months! She loves to sing and dance. She sings with her sister and plays cars with her brother. We love her so much!
Although I love being pregnant, this pregnancy was a lot more uncomfortable than my other pregnancies. I would find out why when this one was born. I don't remember how the day started, but it ended with a nameless baby girl in my arms.
I had already gone in on the 18th with false labor. I didn't want to do that again. After making arrangements for the kids - again - and heading to the hospital - again, it was finally the real thing. However, I wasn't progressing. At all. And since my previous birth was a c-section, extra precautions had to be taken. I didn't want another c-section. I wanted to experience natural childbirth once more. But that would not be the case. As contractions came back-to-back, the baby's heartrate continued to drop. Its head wasn't quite in position where it needed to be so they couldn't break my water. Any position that worked for me was worse for the baby. Finally, they decided we needed another c-section.
We never find out the gender so we only had a boy's name picked out. We were not able to agree on a girl's name. And sure enough, it was a girl. What would we name her? We knew her middle name and what we would call her, but we didn't know what full first name to use. As they were putting me back together and cleaning things up, I was told there was so much scar tissue from my last c-section that my uterus had been attached to my abdominal wall. Well, no wonder my pregnancy was so uncomfortable! Every time the baby moved, it pulled against my abs and possibly other organs. And the epidural didn't completely take as I was feeling some sharp pain. Again, due to the extra scar tissue.
She was 17 inches long and weighed 6lbs 10oz. She passed the APGAR as far as I can remember. Nothing drastic there. But I had to ask if she was a boy or girl and they answered very casually, it's a girl. She was my littlest baby.
Since we were attempting a VBAC, we had to give birth at the hospital instead of the birth center. However, the hospital was already full of babies and the only room left was one in the birth center. Before we could move, baby girl had to maintain her temperature. But she couldn't. They put her under a heat lamp to warm her up and shut it off to see if she could stay at that temperature. I think they had to do this 3 times before she was finally able to keep up her temperature on her own. Then they wheeled us underground, under the street, and into the birthing center where we finally got settled into recovery. By this time we had been discussing names and were starting to lean towards one particular name. Before Seth left, sometime after midnight, we had finally chosen a name and made it official.
The last 5 years have been amazing. We can't imagine what life would have been like without her. She brings us such joy everyday. She's sometimes shy, but other times talkative. I've been told that she is my mini-me. Aside from her blue eyes and left-handedness, she is very much like me. Her favorite animal is the owl and her favorite candy is Whoppers. I love this because my mom's favorite animal is the owl and my dad's favorite candy is Whoppers. She walks like her dad and started walking at 8 months! She loves to sing and dance. She sings with her sister and plays cars with her brother. We love her so much!
Can you guess which one is me and which one is A? :)
Happy 5th birthday, little A!!!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
A Taste of Heaven
I guess I should mention that some of our fun Christmas activities were with our church family. I love my church family. We are full of several different talents and we continue to discover new talent, even in people who have been attending Westside Bible Chapel for years! It's always fun to see God use the many gifts and put them together to bring glory to Himself. I love seeing God work in our local church.
I mentioned the Christmas program in my last blog. I was not involved in putting it together except maybe as giving advice or suggestions behind the scenes, especially in the writing of the skit. I have to say it was probably one of the best Christmas programs I have ever seen. It not only told the story of Jesus' birth, it also explained why He had to come and His birth was expected. We heard about Adam and Eve and how their sin infected all of mankind. God was going to provide a lamb, a pure sinless man, His very own Son, to pay for the sin of the world. We heard about Noah and how God made a promise to him and we can depend on God's promises. We saw how the wisemen were searching for the King of the Jews because of the prophecies that told of His birth. We saw the fear in Mary and Joseph as they first learned of her pregnancy, as they had no place to stay when labor began, and when they heard that Herod wanted to kill Jesus. We saw the shepherds rejoicing when they saw that the Messiah had finally come. We saw Simeon and Anna proclaim the long-awaited Savior had finally come. We saw Elizabeth encourage Mary and rejoice that the Messiah was finally here. From the first sin in the Garden of Eden, we heard about the need of a Savior and saw the joy when He had come.
That evening, a couple from our church hosted a Christmas party complete with horse and buggy rides. What a wonderful evening it was! Just fellowshipping, singing, enjoying each other's company. This is what heaven will be like. These times of good fellowship are just a little glimpse of heaven. What an amazing thought that we would enjoy this kind of fellowship for eternity. It's the party that never ends.
Thursday, we were invited to go ice skating with another family from church. A few different families came. I hadn't gone ice skating since college and only my older 2 had ever gone roller skating. J caught on quickly and was around the rink on his own from the start. K had help from several different people around the rink. A did, too. K eventually felt more confident on her own but A pretty much clung to a person or the wall. K ended up with 2 blisters, one on each ankle. They're still healing. I helped A around a few times, but also had freedom to go at my own speed. It was fun for all of us. Afterwards, we went to the family's home who invited us skating and had a chili supper. Another great evening of fellowship. We sang Christmas carols and just had fun together.
This is all just a taste of heaven.
I mentioned the Christmas program in my last blog. I was not involved in putting it together except maybe as giving advice or suggestions behind the scenes, especially in the writing of the skit. I have to say it was probably one of the best Christmas programs I have ever seen. It not only told the story of Jesus' birth, it also explained why He had to come and His birth was expected. We heard about Adam and Eve and how their sin infected all of mankind. God was going to provide a lamb, a pure sinless man, His very own Son, to pay for the sin of the world. We heard about Noah and how God made a promise to him and we can depend on God's promises. We saw how the wisemen were searching for the King of the Jews because of the prophecies that told of His birth. We saw the fear in Mary and Joseph as they first learned of her pregnancy, as they had no place to stay when labor began, and when they heard that Herod wanted to kill Jesus. We saw the shepherds rejoicing when they saw that the Messiah had finally come. We saw Simeon and Anna proclaim the long-awaited Savior had finally come. We saw Elizabeth encourage Mary and rejoice that the Messiah was finally here. From the first sin in the Garden of Eden, we heard about the need of a Savior and saw the joy when He had come.
That evening, a couple from our church hosted a Christmas party complete with horse and buggy rides. What a wonderful evening it was! Just fellowshipping, singing, enjoying each other's company. This is what heaven will be like. These times of good fellowship are just a little glimpse of heaven. What an amazing thought that we would enjoy this kind of fellowship for eternity. It's the party that never ends.
Thursday, we were invited to go ice skating with another family from church. A few different families came. I hadn't gone ice skating since college and only my older 2 had ever gone roller skating. J caught on quickly and was around the rink on his own from the start. K had help from several different people around the rink. A did, too. K eventually felt more confident on her own but A pretty much clung to a person or the wall. K ended up with 2 blisters, one on each ankle. They're still healing. I helped A around a few times, but also had freedom to go at my own speed. It was fun for all of us. Afterwards, we went to the family's home who invited us skating and had a chili supper. Another great evening of fellowship. We sang Christmas carols and just had fun together.
This is all just a taste of heaven.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Christmas can often be full of stress and anxiety. It was no different for me this year. Especially with everything extra we had to deal with this month. The death of our rabbit got the ball rolling on probably the most difficult month of the year. We fought the flu and colds but that's to be expected. What we didn't expect was our van needing to be fixed, the XBox quit working properly, and our refrigerator completely died. But God provided the finances just before we needed it. He knew exactly what we would face this month. And somehow, even with all of that extra stress going on, I still had a great Christmas.
Since we went to Iowa for actual Christmas day, we had our own Christmas celebration a week early. I made plans for a fun Christmas Eve, but they didn't work out. I got the flu. Friday afternoon I realized I wasn't feeling well and sure enough, my body made it obvious that I wasn't feeling well. I was curled up on the couch when Seth came home from doing his own Christmas shopping. Christmas Eve was cancelled. I felt so bad. The special Christmas Eve meal had to wait. We wouldn't get to have carriage rides and we wouldn't get to drive around looking at Christmas lights. After eating the pizza we ordered, Seth took the kids out to look at lights anyway. But they weren't gone long. Apparently, I'm the life of the party and looking at lights was no fun without me. I felt loved and sad at the same time.
I was starting to finally feel a little better so I told the kids we needed to wrap the presents they got for each other and for their Sunday School teachers. So, each kid individually sat with me in the living room to wrap their gifts for the others. We didn't finish until after midnight. I was about dead but I still had to wrap all of the other presents. I sent the kids to bed, put in one of my favorite movies ever - While You Were Sleeping - and started to wrap the presents. I had to stop and take short breaks, but eventually, I got it all finished. At 3:30 in the morning, I went to bed.
Since we went to Iowa for actual Christmas day, we had our own Christmas celebration a week early. I made plans for a fun Christmas Eve, but they didn't work out. I got the flu. Friday afternoon I realized I wasn't feeling well and sure enough, my body made it obvious that I wasn't feeling well. I was curled up on the couch when Seth came home from doing his own Christmas shopping. Christmas Eve was cancelled. I felt so bad. The special Christmas Eve meal had to wait. We wouldn't get to have carriage rides and we wouldn't get to drive around looking at Christmas lights. After eating the pizza we ordered, Seth took the kids out to look at lights anyway. But they weren't gone long. Apparently, I'm the life of the party and looking at lights was no fun without me. I felt loved and sad at the same time.
I was starting to finally feel a little better so I told the kids we needed to wrap the presents they got for each other and for their Sunday School teachers. So, each kid individually sat with me in the living room to wrap their gifts for the others. We didn't finish until after midnight. I was about dead but I still had to wrap all of the other presents. I sent the kids to bed, put in one of my favorite movies ever - While You Were Sleeping - and started to wrap the presents. I had to stop and take short breaks, but eventually, I got it all finished. At 3:30 in the morning, I went to bed.
On our Christmas morning, I got up, still not feeling well and unable to sleep. I started our traditional cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Then we waited for Seth to wake up. I don't remember much, I'm sure I was in a daze. Once Seth woke up, we started into our Christmas day. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus, ate the cinnamon rolls, and looked in our stockings. Then, we opened our gifts.
And of course after gifts have been opened, we play with them.
And it was time for me to start dinner. It was going to be later than I had planned, but I had the flu. I made everything I had planned on making, except for the dinner rolls which spoiled in our dying freezer. Seth offered to help, but there was nothing he could do. He did eventually mash the potatoes and make the gravy. So with many breaks, I pushed through and prepared our normal Christmas feast. Then I went to bed and let the rest of the family enjoy it.
Because this is how I felt. Miserable.
I felt much better after an hour and a half nap. I had some energy and I even tried a little taste of the food I had prepared. The kids had their Christmas program practice so Seth took them to that while I continued to rest at home. I was really hoping to make it to church the next day to see my kids in the program.
I woke up feeling ok, but willing to do what I could to make it to church. I wasn't dizzy or feeling tired, I just wasn't sure what my stomach was doing. But we made it and I'm glad I did. The program was amazing. It was written by a young woman in our church and directed by another. All of our Sunday School kids were involved and it went very well. I truly enjoyed it.
Little A and her class sang Away in the Manger and O Come All Ye Faithful. Then they sat and listened to Mary tell them a story about Noah.
J and his fellow shepherds listened to the story of Adam and Eve and how sin entered the world making it necessary for the Messiah to come and redeem us. K came with a multitude of angels telling the shepherds that the Savior had been born.
The shepherds went to Bethlehem to see the baby Jesus.
The program was followed by an amazing message by Dan Lindsted. God sent Jesus as a gift to us. Not a gift that we have to work for, not a gift that we can only get when we're good (like you do with Santa), but a gift that only has to be received.
I did eventually start to feel like myself. We left for Iowa Friday night and arrived just before midnight. We decided to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. When we woke up the next morning, stockings were stuffed, presents were under the tree, and cinnamon rolls were coming out of the oven. Ahhh, Christmas at my parents' house. Once everyone arrived, we started our festivities. My dad read the Christmas story from the Bible using the 5 advent candles.
Then we got into our stockings.
And then opened our gifts.
Then of course it was time to eat Christmas dinner. A few of the kids took naps in the afternoon. Others went to the park with Uncle Seth. Some of us adults played the new games that were opened that morning. It was just a nice fun afternoon.
Christmas morning, we went to church and they had their own Christmas program. I missed not singing a special Christmas song this year, but I really enjoyed the Christmas cantata they sang. I loved the songs and loved how they incorporated the kids. It was really good.
We stayed until Monday and left after lunch. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful and godly family. Although I loved all of my gifts I received this year, I cannot be more grateful for my family.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Busy, fun, full weekend
Wednesday, we spent the day packing, cleaning, finishing some school so we would be ready to head to Iowa. My sister had already gone up to Iowa to surprise my mom for her birthday so we had to take her husband up with us. The plan was to leave as soon as possible after both of the guys came home from work which would be around 5:00.
Seth didn't get home until 6:00. Then we had to pack the van, run a couple of errands, pick up Andy, run another errand, get gas, get supper....and we finally drove out of Wichita at 8:15. We had a 6 hour drive ahead of us.
We arrived at my parents' house at 2:15am. Seth and Andy got up at 6:00 to go hunting. Thanksgiving morning, I woke up and greeted my family, most of whom I had not seen since August. We would be going to my cousin's house for dinner. She lives in a Des Moines suburb. We met the hunters (the 4 brothers-in-law) at my cousin's house and I greeted other family members I hadn't seen yet. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner prepared by my aunt and others contributed to side dishes. I must say I am quite proud of myself for my food choices and portions. :) Some people watched football, some a movie, kids played outside, and a few of us played a game.
Soon, it was time to go back to my parents' house where the kids were looking forward to watching a Christmas special on TV. I prepared for our shopping trip on black Friday. Then I think we played a game. That evening is a bit fuzzy. lol
Friday morning, the guys got up at 4:30 to hit a sale in Des Moines and be back before us girls wanted to leave. They returned at 7:30 and were to watch the kids all day. We girls left at 9:00 and hit the stores in Des Moines. I got quite a bit of shopping done, although I still have a ways to go. We came home in time to watch Greenfield's annual Christmas parade. The kids came home with a lot of candy. Then, it was time for the surprise.
My mom turned 60 this month and we put together a fun litte surprise party for her. We brought in pizza and sang happy birthday to her. We had invited some friends as well. We ate and talked and laughed and Mom couldn't believe we got her. Little did she know there was more to come. After we ate we sang her a song (which has become a tradition in these types of celebrations) and presented her with gifts. Then we had everyone come downstairs for cake and dessert.
We all enjoyed the rest of the evening, and even played a game before we all headed to bed. We had another big day ahead of us, however.
Saturday we celebrated Christmas with my Mom's side of the family. We had already seen some of them at Thanksgiving but this was the Stowell Christmas - all of my cousins and their families would try to be there. I only get to see them once a year. The guys, including my son, got up at 6:00 for one last hunting trip. Then we all headed to Grandma's house. We had Christmas dinner and, again, I did pretty well with my portions, I think. Then it was time for the Christmas story and opening gifts. Some had to leave right away. The kids watched a movie and some of us adults played games.
On Sunday we went to church and relaxed in the afternoon. Usually we'd be packing up and leaving, but we stayed until Monday. That is so much nicer than trying to get gone at a decent time on Sunday! Monday we slept in, then packed up, said our goodbyes, and left by 11:00. We got home around 6:15, unpacked the van, and watched the Sing-Off finale.
What a fun weekend!
Seth didn't get home until 6:00. Then we had to pack the van, run a couple of errands, pick up Andy, run another errand, get gas, get supper....and we finally drove out of Wichita at 8:15. We had a 6 hour drive ahead of us.
We arrived at my parents' house at 2:15am. Seth and Andy got up at 6:00 to go hunting. Thanksgiving morning, I woke up and greeted my family, most of whom I had not seen since August. We would be going to my cousin's house for dinner. She lives in a Des Moines suburb. We met the hunters (the 4 brothers-in-law) at my cousin's house and I greeted other family members I hadn't seen yet. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner prepared by my aunt and others contributed to side dishes. I must say I am quite proud of myself for my food choices and portions. :) Some people watched football, some a movie, kids played outside, and a few of us played a game.
Soon, it was time to go back to my parents' house where the kids were looking forward to watching a Christmas special on TV. I prepared for our shopping trip on black Friday. Then I think we played a game. That evening is a bit fuzzy. lol
Friday morning, the guys got up at 4:30 to hit a sale in Des Moines and be back before us girls wanted to leave. They returned at 7:30 and were to watch the kids all day. We girls left at 9:00 and hit the stores in Des Moines. I got quite a bit of shopping done, although I still have a ways to go. We came home in time to watch Greenfield's annual Christmas parade. The kids came home with a lot of candy. Then, it was time for the surprise.
My mom turned 60 this month and we put together a fun litte surprise party for her. We brought in pizza and sang happy birthday to her. We had invited some friends as well. We ate and talked and laughed and Mom couldn't believe we got her. Little did she know there was more to come. After we ate we sang her a song (which has become a tradition in these types of celebrations) and presented her with gifts. Then we had everyone come downstairs for cake and dessert.
My mom's favorite animal is the owl and here is her birthday cake.
My mom as she first sees her owl cake.
We all enjoyed the rest of the evening, and even played a game before we all headed to bed. We had another big day ahead of us, however.
Saturday we celebrated Christmas with my Mom's side of the family. We had already seen some of them at Thanksgiving but this was the Stowell Christmas - all of my cousins and their families would try to be there. I only get to see them once a year. The guys, including my son, got up at 6:00 for one last hunting trip. Then we all headed to Grandma's house. We had Christmas dinner and, again, I did pretty well with my portions, I think. Then it was time for the Christmas story and opening gifts. Some had to leave right away. The kids watched a movie and some of us adults played games.
My grandma with her 3 children. Uncle Denny surprised us all by coming. We were so happy he was able to make it. It was good to see him.
Grandma with her 10 grandkids. These are the cousins I grew up with and the only 1st cousins I have.
And Grandma with her 14 great grandchildren. Number 15 is on the way and we'll be adding 2 more in July when my sister gets married.
On Sunday we went to church and relaxed in the afternoon. Usually we'd be packing up and leaving, but we stayed until Monday. That is so much nicer than trying to get gone at a decent time on Sunday! Monday we slept in, then packed up, said our goodbyes, and left by 11:00. We got home around 6:15, unpacked the van, and watched the Sing-Off finale.
What a fun weekend!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Goodbyes are hard
I was hoping to return from Thanksgiving break with a wonderful blog full of our fun weekend. But that blog will have to wait. Right now, my heart is sad...broken.
My brother-in-law to-be lost his grandparents this week. They were in a car accident last week. My heart aches for that family. And the woman involved in the accident was in my class in school. I cannot imagine what she must feeling. I am praying for all of them.
A friend of my sister lost her brother this morning. He was battling cancer. I never met him. But I just cannot fathom losing a sibling.
And we are dealing with our own heartbreak at home. My daughter's rabbit has died. We had her for just over a year. K was so sad to have to say goodbye to her. We all were.
So, it's been a hard week. The Lord gives and He takes away. His timing is perfect. His ways are best. I may not understand it all right now, but I have to believe in His promises. He knows the big picture and I have to trust that He is doing and allowing exactly what needs to be done. We would appreciate your prayers. And please pray for the others I have mentioned as losing grandparents and siblings is much harder than losing a pet. God is capable of giving hugs and your prayers will be a part of that. Thank you.
My brother-in-law to-be lost his grandparents this week. They were in a car accident last week. My heart aches for that family. And the woman involved in the accident was in my class in school. I cannot imagine what she must feeling. I am praying for all of them.
A friend of my sister lost her brother this morning. He was battling cancer. I never met him. But I just cannot fathom losing a sibling.
And we are dealing with our own heartbreak at home. My daughter's rabbit has died. We had her for just over a year. K was so sad to have to say goodbye to her. We all were.
So, it's been a hard week. The Lord gives and He takes away. His timing is perfect. His ways are best. I may not understand it all right now, but I have to believe in His promises. He knows the big picture and I have to trust that He is doing and allowing exactly what needs to be done. We would appreciate your prayers. And please pray for the others I have mentioned as losing grandparents and siblings is much harder than losing a pet. God is capable of giving hugs and your prayers will be a part of that. Thank you.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Thanksgiving
On Sunday, we were encouraged to wake up every morning by doing the following 3 things:
stretch - it gets your body going
smile - it gets you in the right mood
say "God loves me!" - gets you spiritually ready for the day
For the last 2 days I have done this and what a difference it has made in my mornings! Even if I don't feel like smiling, I force that smile on my face and by the time I say "God loves me!" outloud, that smile is real and whatever the day holds, I know that God is there right beside me all the way through it.
It also puts me in a thankful mood. The Bible mentions being thankful several times. We are to come into His presence with thanksgiving. We are to be thankful in every circumstance. We are to be thankful for all things. We are to be thankful. We are to ask for things with an attitude of thanksgiving. We are to do all things with an attitude of thanksgiving. The Bible also gives examples of peole who were thankful to God, even in heartbreaking situations. I must admit that I so often fall short. Many times, I come to the Lord with a selfish attitude, wanting Him to see things MY way. I want Him to see how frustrated I am, or how I think things should be. But the things is, He DOES see how I see things and what I want and how frustrated I am. He knows what is best for me. I don't. I am so thankful that God does things His way because His way is the absolute best and it is perfect. I am so thankful that God gives me grace and mercy. Mercy is when I'm spared what I do deserve and grace is when I'm given what I don't deserve.
I deserve to go to hell. I am a sinner, unworthy of being in the presence of God. But by His mercy, He wants to save me, keep me from perishing in hell. God does not want anyone to perish. And by His grace, He has offered me life. I am not good enough to get to heaven. No matter how many good deeds I do, no matter how often I go to church, no matter how much I pray, no matter how much I believe in the exitence of God, I cannot get to heaven on my own. Those things will not save me. I must realize I am a sinner, unable to go to heaven, separated from God. I must believe that Jesus took my punishment and died in my place on the cross. I must accept the gift of eternal life that God offers and trust Jesus as my Savior. I am forever thankful to God for His sacrifice for me so that I could live forever in heaven.
I'm also thankful for my life. I'm thankful for my husband and children, the family I grew up in, my church family, and the many many friends I have. I am thankful that I live in a country where I can freely worship my Lord. I am thankful that I have a home, I have more than enough food, I have plenty of clothes, I have clean water to drink, and so many other things that we often take for granted.
But, this year, I've been thinking about all the people who have been such a huge influence in my life. I would not be the person I am today without them investing their time in me. I'm sure I'll forget some people but these people have been coming to mind a lot lately and I am so thankful to them for caring about my spiritual walk and to God for bringing them into my life and giving them the wisdom to help me.
My dad - such a great spiritual leader in our family, church, and community.
My mom - a wonderful example of sacrificial love and supportive and submissive wife
My sisters - all 3 of my sisters are an encouragement to me
Seth - my amazing husband of 13 1/2 years! He has made living for the Lord more real than anyone else I've met. I get caught up in the traditions, and going through the motions, but he turns my head around and makes me see the reality of living for God. Be me. Care only about what God thinks, not anything that anyone else thinks, no matter who they are.
My kids - yes, I can learn things from them. They see things with young eyes and hearts and often realize God's ways in areas that I miss it.
Jerry Holan - He was my Sunday School teacher and it was in his class that I realized I was not going to heaven. Just because my parents were Christians, it didn't mean that I was too. I had to make the decision on my own to follow Jesus. It is because of Jerry that I chose to give my life to Jesus.
Tilman LaBuff - He was my junior high Sunday School teacher. As you know, this is an age where kids find themselves under peer pressures and want to be cool. I was afraid that being a Christian wasn't cool. I wanted to break free of the "rules" of Christianity and walk with the world. Tilman showed me that being a Christian is cool. I mean, Tilman was one of the coolest adults I knew and he was truly a believer who walked closely with the Lord. It was also while under his teaching that I started praying for the salvation of each one of my classmates in school. I still do.
Paul Nelson - He was my high school Sunday School teacher and youth group leader. He made me see that I don't need to be afraid to live like a Christian. My mission field was my school. I was to be a light there, and be set apart from the world. I was to be different and not try to fit in. I started to act more like myself and not be afraid of who I truly was.
Chad Clarkson - It was through his influence that I chose to attend Emmaus Bible college
Sharon Beaman - She was my best friend in high school. I had more fun with her than I ever thought possible. She was one of the few people my age with whom I talk about spiritual things. I think we both grew in the Lord.
The Meyer family - Not only did this family provide amazingly fun times and a great place to just hang out, but they were a very godly family. They were the first family I had met who homeschooled. Each of the kids, including some my age, showed how important God was to them. I don't think I would have had the courage to live out my faith as a teen if it weren't for their influence.
Andy Karas - He is one of the best guy friends a girl could ask for. We were so close that some people thought we were dating - which to us was quite laughable. He chose to quit public school and finish his high school years homeschooling. Although I hated that he left, I respected him for this brave decision. He was probably the wisest and most godly friend I had and I didn't realize it until years later.
Rachel Sylvester - I grew up with her at camp. We were in the same cabin almost every year. As we all grew up, it was clear how much she loved the Lord. She was one of the few people I knew at Emmaus when I first arrived. She took me around and we introduced ourselves to several people and she introduced me to some people she already knew. Since I'm a bit shy, I appreciated her boldness.
Amy Rush - She became my best friend in college. So many heart-to-hearts with her. She encouraged me to keep trusting the Lord and what He is doing.
Dave Glock - He officiated our wedding. He was a man who was very much in love with his wife (and I'm sure he misses her everyday). He was quite a jokester and wasn't afraid to be silly. His outlook on life seemed to be live for the Lord and have fun doing it!
Keith Leverentz - He was another professor at Emmaus. He made life with Jesus real. He was real. There was nothing fake about him. He had faults and a lot of wisdom. It was an encouragement to see that we will always be learning in our walk with the Lord.
Tom Marinello - Another Emmaus professor. He was one of the few professors who supported and encouraged Seth's and my relationship. He was full of tid bits of wisdom but still had fun. This was the one I stuck my tongue out at and he got me back by having a guy read a poem to me in class.
The Grueneichs - Such a wonderful family who worked at Village Creek Bible Camp. I enjoyed listening to Reuben speak at church, Ruth was an amazing cook and so sweet - not afraid to have some fun, Dan was never afraid to hand out wisdom and was always willing to sit and talk - I know he had a great impact on Seth's spiritual life, and Rod - chalk full of fun and reality.
Karen Smith - I miss her so much. She was a very sweet lady who opened her arms and her home to us when we first moved to Wichita. She shined godliness and shared her wisdom and things she learned in her life. She was truly an older woman teaching the younger.
Heather Smith - We seemed to be on the same path in life, but she was so full of joy. She was happy to be serving the Lord as a mother. She also prayed for me when I was going through some rough times.
Russ and Jan Yost - Such a fun and godly couple! They opened their home to us several times and were very hospitable. They had such great wisdom on marriage and raising a family in the Lord.
Ashley Mullinix - Someone I could vent to without being judged! We shared our struggles with each other and she was just someone I could lean on and I was someone she could lean on.
Margaret Peters - Another amazing woman full of God's wisdom and not afraid to show that she is still learning and growing.
The Skiles family - From parents to 4 (now grown) children, they all have much love for the Lord and serving Him.
Jennifer Hollinger - Fun but serious about the things of the Lord. She has such a heart for those not walking with the Lord and wants to see her children, her nieces and nephews, and all children grow up to love the Lord and serve Him fully.
The elders at Westside Bible Chapel - Each one of them have expressed their love for the Lord and for their flock at Westside. They serve in different ways and I appreciate all that they do.
Trudy Burkle - Another godly woman who has opened her home on several occasions.
I'm sure there are many others who have greatly impacted my life and there will be many more as long as I am still on this earth. But to each and every one of you, thank you. Thank you for loving the Lord so much that you would love me. Thank you for teaching me your wisdom, passing on your life lessons learned, encouraging me in my walk, and for just being shining examples for Jesus Christ. You are doing things for eternal gain without a care for the earthly gain. I love you all.
And thank you to my heavenly Father who has guided my path so that I would meet all of these wonderful people. It is He who brought them into my life and placed on their hearts to reach me wherever I was at.
Oh how blessed I am.
stretch - it gets your body going
smile - it gets you in the right mood
say "God loves me!" - gets you spiritually ready for the day
For the last 2 days I have done this and what a difference it has made in my mornings! Even if I don't feel like smiling, I force that smile on my face and by the time I say "God loves me!" outloud, that smile is real and whatever the day holds, I know that God is there right beside me all the way through it.
It also puts me in a thankful mood. The Bible mentions being thankful several times. We are to come into His presence with thanksgiving. We are to be thankful in every circumstance. We are to be thankful for all things. We are to be thankful. We are to ask for things with an attitude of thanksgiving. We are to do all things with an attitude of thanksgiving. The Bible also gives examples of peole who were thankful to God, even in heartbreaking situations. I must admit that I so often fall short. Many times, I come to the Lord with a selfish attitude, wanting Him to see things MY way. I want Him to see how frustrated I am, or how I think things should be. But the things is, He DOES see how I see things and what I want and how frustrated I am. He knows what is best for me. I don't. I am so thankful that God does things His way because His way is the absolute best and it is perfect. I am so thankful that God gives me grace and mercy. Mercy is when I'm spared what I do deserve and grace is when I'm given what I don't deserve.
I deserve to go to hell. I am a sinner, unworthy of being in the presence of God. But by His mercy, He wants to save me, keep me from perishing in hell. God does not want anyone to perish. And by His grace, He has offered me life. I am not good enough to get to heaven. No matter how many good deeds I do, no matter how often I go to church, no matter how much I pray, no matter how much I believe in the exitence of God, I cannot get to heaven on my own. Those things will not save me. I must realize I am a sinner, unable to go to heaven, separated from God. I must believe that Jesus took my punishment and died in my place on the cross. I must accept the gift of eternal life that God offers and trust Jesus as my Savior. I am forever thankful to God for His sacrifice for me so that I could live forever in heaven.
I'm also thankful for my life. I'm thankful for my husband and children, the family I grew up in, my church family, and the many many friends I have. I am thankful that I live in a country where I can freely worship my Lord. I am thankful that I have a home, I have more than enough food, I have plenty of clothes, I have clean water to drink, and so many other things that we often take for granted.
But, this year, I've been thinking about all the people who have been such a huge influence in my life. I would not be the person I am today without them investing their time in me. I'm sure I'll forget some people but these people have been coming to mind a lot lately and I am so thankful to them for caring about my spiritual walk and to God for bringing them into my life and giving them the wisdom to help me.
My dad - such a great spiritual leader in our family, church, and community.
My mom - a wonderful example of sacrificial love and supportive and submissive wife
My sisters - all 3 of my sisters are an encouragement to me
Seth - my amazing husband of 13 1/2 years! He has made living for the Lord more real than anyone else I've met. I get caught up in the traditions, and going through the motions, but he turns my head around and makes me see the reality of living for God. Be me. Care only about what God thinks, not anything that anyone else thinks, no matter who they are.
My kids - yes, I can learn things from them. They see things with young eyes and hearts and often realize God's ways in areas that I miss it.
Jerry Holan - He was my Sunday School teacher and it was in his class that I realized I was not going to heaven. Just because my parents were Christians, it didn't mean that I was too. I had to make the decision on my own to follow Jesus. It is because of Jerry that I chose to give my life to Jesus.
Tilman LaBuff - He was my junior high Sunday School teacher. As you know, this is an age where kids find themselves under peer pressures and want to be cool. I was afraid that being a Christian wasn't cool. I wanted to break free of the "rules" of Christianity and walk with the world. Tilman showed me that being a Christian is cool. I mean, Tilman was one of the coolest adults I knew and he was truly a believer who walked closely with the Lord. It was also while under his teaching that I started praying for the salvation of each one of my classmates in school. I still do.
Paul Nelson - He was my high school Sunday School teacher and youth group leader. He made me see that I don't need to be afraid to live like a Christian. My mission field was my school. I was to be a light there, and be set apart from the world. I was to be different and not try to fit in. I started to act more like myself and not be afraid of who I truly was.
Chad Clarkson - It was through his influence that I chose to attend Emmaus Bible college
Sharon Beaman - She was my best friend in high school. I had more fun with her than I ever thought possible. She was one of the few people my age with whom I talk about spiritual things. I think we both grew in the Lord.
The Meyer family - Not only did this family provide amazingly fun times and a great place to just hang out, but they were a very godly family. They were the first family I had met who homeschooled. Each of the kids, including some my age, showed how important God was to them. I don't think I would have had the courage to live out my faith as a teen if it weren't for their influence.
Andy Karas - He is one of the best guy friends a girl could ask for. We were so close that some people thought we were dating - which to us was quite laughable. He chose to quit public school and finish his high school years homeschooling. Although I hated that he left, I respected him for this brave decision. He was probably the wisest and most godly friend I had and I didn't realize it until years later.
Rachel Sylvester - I grew up with her at camp. We were in the same cabin almost every year. As we all grew up, it was clear how much she loved the Lord. She was one of the few people I knew at Emmaus when I first arrived. She took me around and we introduced ourselves to several people and she introduced me to some people she already knew. Since I'm a bit shy, I appreciated her boldness.
Amy Rush - She became my best friend in college. So many heart-to-hearts with her. She encouraged me to keep trusting the Lord and what He is doing.
Dave Glock - He officiated our wedding. He was a man who was very much in love with his wife (and I'm sure he misses her everyday). He was quite a jokester and wasn't afraid to be silly. His outlook on life seemed to be live for the Lord and have fun doing it!
Keith Leverentz - He was another professor at Emmaus. He made life with Jesus real. He was real. There was nothing fake about him. He had faults and a lot of wisdom. It was an encouragement to see that we will always be learning in our walk with the Lord.
Tom Marinello - Another Emmaus professor. He was one of the few professors who supported and encouraged Seth's and my relationship. He was full of tid bits of wisdom but still had fun. This was the one I stuck my tongue out at and he got me back by having a guy read a poem to me in class.
The Grueneichs - Such a wonderful family who worked at Village Creek Bible Camp. I enjoyed listening to Reuben speak at church, Ruth was an amazing cook and so sweet - not afraid to have some fun, Dan was never afraid to hand out wisdom and was always willing to sit and talk - I know he had a great impact on Seth's spiritual life, and Rod - chalk full of fun and reality.
Karen Smith - I miss her so much. She was a very sweet lady who opened her arms and her home to us when we first moved to Wichita. She shined godliness and shared her wisdom and things she learned in her life. She was truly an older woman teaching the younger.
Heather Smith - We seemed to be on the same path in life, but she was so full of joy. She was happy to be serving the Lord as a mother. She also prayed for me when I was going through some rough times.
Russ and Jan Yost - Such a fun and godly couple! They opened their home to us several times and were very hospitable. They had such great wisdom on marriage and raising a family in the Lord.
Ashley Mullinix - Someone I could vent to without being judged! We shared our struggles with each other and she was just someone I could lean on and I was someone she could lean on.
Margaret Peters - Another amazing woman full of God's wisdom and not afraid to show that she is still learning and growing.
The Skiles family - From parents to 4 (now grown) children, they all have much love for the Lord and serving Him.
Jennifer Hollinger - Fun but serious about the things of the Lord. She has such a heart for those not walking with the Lord and wants to see her children, her nieces and nephews, and all children grow up to love the Lord and serve Him fully.
The elders at Westside Bible Chapel - Each one of them have expressed their love for the Lord and for their flock at Westside. They serve in different ways and I appreciate all that they do.
Trudy Burkle - Another godly woman who has opened her home on several occasions.
I'm sure there are many others who have greatly impacted my life and there will be many more as long as I am still on this earth. But to each and every one of you, thank you. Thank you for loving the Lord so much that you would love me. Thank you for teaching me your wisdom, passing on your life lessons learned, encouraging me in my walk, and for just being shining examples for Jesus Christ. You are doing things for eternal gain without a care for the earthly gain. I love you all.
And thank you to my heavenly Father who has guided my path so that I would meet all of these wonderful people. It is He who brought them into my life and placed on their hearts to reach me wherever I was at.
Oh how blessed I am.
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