Being Me

I have always struggled with being neat.  My bedroom growing up was always a mess.  I didn't see the point in putting my clothes away if I was just going to get them out to wear again.  The same goes for making my bed.  But when I did clean, I really cleaned.  It was an all day job.  I take everything out of its place, dust, look through, reminisce, reorganize, and put things away - often in a new place.  On rare occasions, I might get rid of something, but I'm a huge pack rat so I hold on to almost anything.

Of course, this all carried over into adulthood.  My dorm room at college was always a mess - except for the days they were inspected.  :)  I can do a quick clean if necessary, but to me, it's not satisfactory unless it's perfect and since prefection takes a lot of time, I don't bother starting.  I got married when I was 20, and you guessed it, always a messy house.  Seth and I would clean together when preparing for company but in college, company could drop by unannounced.  Friends would often do my dishes for me.  But I didn't mind too much.  I was a busy college student, Seth was student teaching or working full-time.  Neither of us put in much effort in keeping the place clean.

A couple years ago, someone came to me as sort of an "intervention" on my lack of homemaking skills.  By this point, I had been working harder at keeping a nice home, the kids had their chores to do and I was homeschooling.  I have always known my house wasn't perfectlly clean, especially with short-notice guests or weekly guests.  But when family came to town, Seth and I worked like crazy to get the house nice, especially if someone was staying in our house over night.  That wasn't even good enough.  It hurt.  I wanted to quit trying.  I didn't want anyone to come to my house ever again.  If my best still wasn't good enough, why bother?

This past weekend my parents, Seth's parents, and my brother-in-law came to town to help us reshingle our roof.  It was the first time someone has stayed in our house since that intervention.  Once I realized how many people would be around (not everyone stayed in our house over night) and that someone was actually going to sleep here, I freaked out.  This was about a month before anyone was going to come and I had an extremely emotional panic attack.  What was I going to do?

Someone from my church realized that I was really struggling and she sat me down and talked with me.  She pointed out that this is my personality.  I am the creative one, the peace-maker, driven to make everyone happy.  Having so many people coming to my home at once was stressing me out to the point that I was completely useless and not focused on God at all.  The woman just told me to be myself.  To not try to impress everyone, not try to please everyone, but to accept who I am, who God made me to be.

So, for the first time ever, I wasn't in a sweaty, cleaning mess when people started to arrive.  In fact, I had been sick and unable to do much anyway.  But I didn't stress out about it.  Seth ended up having to work late so he couldn't help much either.  I made a point to clean the kitchen counters, clean the bathroom, and made sure the kids' rooms were clean, especially the room that my brother-in-law would be staying in.  I made the beds with clean sheets and collapsed on the couch.

Before my parents arrived, I clean more in the kitchen and made more room in the living room to sit.  By the time my in-laws arrived, more areas were cleaned.  But, I still had dirty dishes sitting on the counter next to the sink.  I still had bins sitting in the living room full of papers I had just gone through and sorted.  I had a box of miscellaneous items I still needed to sort through sitting next to the couch.  My end tables weren't cleaned off or organized.  But this was my house.  I did put in a little extra effort for the guests, but I also felt free to be myself.  I didn't stress about getting it spotless and perfectly clean, I didn't feel guilty about not getting it prefectly clean, and I didn't worry too much about what everyone thought.  My kids were doing their chores, I was doing mine.  I kept in routine as much as I could - you know with company how routine just goes out the window!

My mom and mother-in-law helped clean up after supper one evening and helped finish washing all the dishes that had been left there from previous meals.  I wasn't embarrassed at all, but was thankful we could work together and I actually enjoyed working with them.  My parents and Seth's parents haven't seen each other since our wedding so it was fun to see them together again after so many years!

My in-laws are still here.  The kids and I are still keeping up with our routine the best we can.  Although, I'm still fighting a cold so I haven't been putting too much pressure on doing school this week and the kids have helped with cleaning up old shingles too.  The kids continue their chores, I continue mine, and my mother-in-law cleans up what we miss.  :)  I honestly don't mind at all.  This is our life.  This is what we do day to day.

With homeschooling, a hard-working husband who comes home exhausted and sometimes works late, and me with the extra tiredness of hypothyroidism, we certainly do our best.  It's not perfect, it may not be clean according to other people's standards, and we may not get everything on our list done everyday, but we do it.  I am working on doing it with joy and doing it for the Lord.  I often have to remind the kids of doing the same.  Some days go well, some days are hard.  I make no excuses.

I am trying my best to simply be me and not trying to be anyone else, or clean like anyone else.  This is my home.  This is how we make it work.  I have more joy when I am just being me.

Am I Grateful?

Last night, as I was going to sleep, I started praying as I often do.  Seth and I had a conversation about how cold it would be in Idaho and if the kids and I could handle it if we lived there.  We have planned on making our permanent home in Idaho or close to it; however, God has not yet opened that door.

I am pretty happy being in Wichita, though.  Our church really helps with that.  And I honestly wouldn't mind staying here the rest of our lives.  It's this house that I really hate living in.

So, as I prayed, I pointed out to God, again, that we are in desperate need of getting out of this house.  And I began to tell Him why when my mind started to wander.  Of course God knows our needs better than we do and I struggle sometimes trusting Him when He says to stay in this house for now.

Then, I suddenly became aware of something.  I was humming a song in my head and my fingers were dancing along.  I didn't realize I was "humming" anything at all.  Last I remembered, I was just simply talking to God about moving, anywhere, out of this house.  The song I was "humming" was a song I haven't heard since I was a kid.  I had sung it randomly or to my children at times, but it wasn't a song that was brought up very often.  However, God decided to bring it to my mind.

Are you grumbly hateful or humbly grateful?

What's your attitude?

Do you grumble and groan or let it be known

You're grateful for all God's done for you?

Yeah, I realized my fault immediately and asked for God's forgiveness.  Then I lied there in bed thinking about how to be grateful for this house.  There are plenty of things I could tell you without hesitation that I hate about living in this house.  But, I discovered last night, there are some pretty great things about living in this house, too.

1.  We have a shower.  I am grateful that in the one bathroom, there IS a shower!  Why is that so significant?  In the house I grew up in, the only shower in the house was a cold make-shift shower in the unfinished basement.  My dad was pretty much the only person to use it regularly.  The shower was small blocks of wood surrounding a drain with a curtain that was a bit too short to go all the way around the drain area.  The faucet handles were actually about 3 or 4 feet outside of the shower so if you wanted to adjust the temperature, you had to get out, turn the knobs, then wait for the shower to respond hoping you adjusted correctly.  We did finally get a shower in our upstairs bathroom shortly after my older sister graduated from high school.  That would mean I had just finished my sophomore year.  A shower is something I now take for granted, but I was reminded last night that it is truly a blessing.

2.  We have a mostly finished basement.  This house didn't start out that way.  We have put in a lot of work to add to our living space.  As I said earlier, the house I grew up in did not have a finished basement.

3.  Our backyard is amazing.  It's big and perfect.  It has a large tree that I absolutely love - although Seth hates it because it leaves a mess of helicopter leaves.  I personally think that every house should have a large tree in the yard.  I grew up with a huge pine tree in the front yard.  I climbed it often and once, almost made it to the top.  The tree is no longer there so I truly enjoy the large tree we have now.

4.  And of course the fact that we have a house is a blessing and something that I, too often, take for granted.  We don't have to worry about neighbors on the other side of a wall as you would in an apartment or condo.  We don't have to worry about a landlord because this house is ours.  And, we're not living on the street or in a car or in a shelter.  We own our own home.  That is huge!!

So, shame on me for begging God to get us out of this house.  I still have some work to do on not hating this house, but forcing myself to find things about it to be grateful for is going to make it easier to accept that God still wants us here for a reason.  And I trust Him.

From summer to school

When I look back at our summer, I am just stunned with all that we squeezed in between the first of June to the end of August.

My 2 older kiddos spent a week at camp.  K celebrated her birthday there.  Then the day after we came home, we took off on a long drive to Idaho to visit the in-laws.  After spending a little over a week there, we drove the 20 + hours home.  J had his birthday shortly after.  We enjoyed a good time of fellowship with our church for the 4th of July and then we took off again, this time for Iowa.  My sister got married and 4 out of the 5 of us were IN the wedding.  We came home and I got ready for our VBS.  A week later, we had our VBS training day and then the week of our VBS.  The day after VBS ended, we headed to family camp in Missouri.  Upon returning home after a week at camp, I had to get back into VBS mode because our cast performed the skits for our church the very next Sunday - as in 2 days after coming home from family camp!

Then, I had to begin preparations for our schoolyear.

I was working on it right up until we started school the day after Labor Day.

This is my very first Pinterest project.  It worked for about a week.

 

 

We moved all of the books out of J's room and into our schoolroom.

 

 

 

I bought these crates for our school books and other school supplies.  This is also where Little A and K have their desks.

 

 

 

And then there's J's desk and mine.

 

 

 

I let the kids have some end-of-summer fun.  On their last "free" night, they slept in the living room.  We had popcorn and watched Agent Cody Banks, then I went to sleep in my own comfortable bed.  The kids had been wanting to wash our van so I told them to get into their swimsuits and have some fun.

 

 

 

 

Then the dreaded day arrived....well, I was excited and Little A was too.  The older 2, not so much.

 

 

 

And this is how Rambo spent the first day of school.  He didn't like being upstairs all by himself, so he found a comfy spot on the futon.

 

 

 

Happy schoolyear everyone!!!

 



 

 

 

The Miracle Ring

Seth and I were married in 1998.  When we picked out his wedding ring, it was perfect.  It wasn't too over-the-top and it wasn't just a simple gold band.  We loved it.

Seth was one of those who liked to play with his ring.  He'd take it off, roll it around, put it on other fingers, then put it back on the correct finger.  He would do this over and over while watching TV or other things.  He also took it off for work.  He did lawn care and there are dangers involved so he didn't wear his ring when he was working.

He graduated from Emmaus Bible College in 1999 and I was in my senior year that fall.  He continued doing lawn care while I finished my degree in Biblical Studies and Youth Ministries.  At some point, we went to a basketball near Des Moines to watch our Emmaus Eagles play against Faith Baptist.

And that's the last place we remembered seeing Seth's wedding ring.

He was playing with it at the game, as he always did, and at some point it disappeared.  We searched all over.  Not even sure if we had lost it at the game or somewhere else, so we looked in our apartment and the car and, well, just everywhere!  It was gone.

So, we tried to look for a replacement.  Of course, we couldn't spend that kind of money again and eventually we did settle on a cheaper ring, but it just wasn't the same.  I don't even remember him wearing it that much.

After I graduated in 2000, we moved to Lansing, Iowa, where we would work at Village Creek Bible Camp for a year.  Most of our things were stored in a garage at the camp.  But we still had a few of our own things with us.  First, we were in one of the camper cabins.  Then, in a trailer.  That's where we spent the summer.  When the busy summer camp season ended, we moved to another cabin.  It was basically a small house with our own kichen, bedroom, bathroom, and living room.  We worked the retreat season while I was pregnant with our first child.  2 other women at camp were also pregnant.

Before the next summer camp season began, we moved into the town of Waukon, not far from camp.  The camp rented out a small house for us until we needed to move in July after the baby was born.  J was born in June, then we packed up our things and moved to Wichita.

First, we rented an apartment.  We got settled into our new life with me as the new stay-at-home-mom and Seth as a teacher at Sunrise Christian Academy.  In Feb. of 2002, we moved into our house that we live in now.

The following summer, we were put in charge of the youth group and high school Sunday School class at our church.  They came to our home for activities.

Now, here is the miracle.

One evening, while the youth group was hanging out at our house, I noticed a shiny object on the floor.  I walked over to it.  And there, next to the entertainment center was Seth's wedding ring!!  After multiple moves and shifting around our possessions, the ring survived and was just randomly sitting on the floor.

I was speechless.  I squealed, picked it up, and ran downstairs to tell Seth while the group of teens watched me in confusion wondering what was wrong with me.

Seth was just as shocked as I was.  How, after losing it while living in Dubuque and moving to camp and moving to town and moving to an apartment and then moving to this house, did the ring make it through all of that?

Well, nothing short of a miracle.

Dreams

Dreams can be such a funny thing.  They say that everyone dreams several dreams every night and they don't last nearly as long as we think they do.  I don't know how accurate that is.  I do know that if I dream, I usually don't remember dreaming.

Some dreams have me boggled.  I wake up wondering, "why on earth did I dream about THAT?"  Others, I can tie in together what may have been going through my head.  Then there's those dreams that you aren't sure really are a dream until you've been awake for a few hours or more.  I find myself questioning the dream all day, "Did that happen or was that a dream?"  The ones I hate the most are the ones I realize that I'm dreaming while still dreaming and I can't wake up.

Last night I had one of those dreams that just boggled me.  I have no idea where it came from.  Seth and I were driving somewhere with Little A.  I don't know where the other 2 kids were.  We were going somewhere to find a place to land a small plane....I think.  It had something to do with landing a plane anyway.  But, on the way there, we had to drive up this very steep mountainous road.  It was too steep for our minivan.  After making a few attempts, Seth realized that we couldn't go any further and we were about to lose our van.

"Get out!!!"  Get out of the van, now!!"

I sat there, thinking, "What about Little A?  She's buckeled in the back seat!  How are we going to get her out in time?"

Next thing I know, I'm standing on the road with Seth, watching our van tumble down the side of the mountain with Little A inside.  It was terrifying.  Seth and I followed the van down the mountain as it fell apart before our eyes.  Next we see Little A flying, bouncing, rolling in her seat as the van had completely broke apart into a thousand pieces around her.  Finally, her seat slowed down and came to rest right side up with Little A safely inside.

I just knew that she would be hurt, scared, crying.  Seth and I got to her and she looks up at us with her beautiful smile and says in her typical wonderment, "I didn't know my seat could do that!"  We were thrilled to see that she was unharmed.

(On a side note: in reality she sits in a booster seat so when the van crumbled around her, she would not have been still buckeled to her seat but loosed with it and falling freely.  In the dream, it seems she was still somehow buckeled in.)

We suddenling find ourselves in a small town with no transportation, money, or anything that was left in the van.  We have barely enough cash on us to buy ourselves a meal before we walk to the next town....which happened to be my hometown in Iowa.

I kept asking Seth why we couldn't call 9-1-1 or the insurance company or anything to help us out.  Since no one was hurt, we didn't call 9-1-1.  And since it was technically Seth's fault we lost the van, he didn't think insurance could do anything.

And that was it.  The end.  No more dream.

I woke up confused, wondering why I would dream such a thing.  But at the same time very thankful that it was just a dream!  And thankful that we have our van, although it is old and more things are breaking down on it.  And thankful that we have Little A.

The Body of Christ

The Body of Christ is an amazing thing.  Over the last several years, I have witnessed how the Body of Christ works.  Every Believer in Jesus Christ has their own gifts and talents to use for His glory.  We are described as the body in the Bible because we work together like a body does.  Each part has its own specific job.

Romans 12:4-5 "For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another."

I love the church we go to.  It takes at least 20 minutes to get there from our house.  Are there closer churches?  Yes.  But we have found a home at Westside Bible Chapel.  It is well worth our drive.  There we see the Body of Christ living and functioning as a body should.  There are those who take every opportunity to share the gospel of Christ with others.  There are those who work hard behind the scenes decorating for various seasons or activities.  There are those who keep the building clean and presentable.  There are those who teach us from the Word of God and encourage us in our walk with the Lord.  There are those who work with the children, teaching them from the Bible as well.  There are those who are great at planning and organizing events.  There are those that reach out to other Believers for encouragement and fellowship.  There are those who listen.  Those who give wise advice.  Those who prepare food.  Altogether, we create a home of Believers, bonded as one in Christ Jesus regardless of our differences.  Our love for each other is obvious.

That is just one local body of Believers.  I have brothers and sisters in Christ worldwide.  Many of whom I met at Emmaus Bible College.  Others at camps.  And others through online sites.

Since I don't always see my distant friends at work, I don't always know what their function in the overall Body is.  But I don't need to know theirs, just my own.  However, we are still bonded.  We have a love for each other, even though some of us have never met face to face.

Just as when a part of our own body is injured or sick, affecting the entire body, the same is with the Body of Christ.  When one member is excited over something the Lord has done, we are all excited.  When one member is facing a huge trial, we face it with them, lifting them up in prayer.

Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."

Right now, I have friends from various parts of the country facing different trials.  I weep with them.  I may not be going through the same things, may not know what it feels like, have no idea what to even say...but I weep.  I cannot imagine having to endure what they are enduring right now.  My heart breaks for them.

Some may wonder why we continue to worship a God who allows such things to happen.  God has a purpose.  His plan is perfect and we can't possible know what the big picture is.  God knows.  God knows what good can come from it.  I think of Joseph who was the favorite son of all his brothers.  Out of jealousy, his brothers sold him to slave traders and told their father he was dead.  Without knowing the end of the story, you have to wonder what purpose God had in mind!  He was sold to Potiphar who was Pharaoh's officer.  Through his hard work and faith in God, Joseph became Potiphar's personal servant.  But it didn't last long.  Potiphar's wife, after trying to sleep with Joseph, accused him of doing what she had actually done to him.  Joseph was then thrown into prison for something he did not do, something he resisted.  Instead of being rewarded by God for resisting this temptation, he was punished (not by God, but by Potiphar).  Still, God had a plan.

We may not understand why things happen, how good can come from the horrible trials we sometimes face, but we must trust that God is sovereign.  God has orchestrated every event to work together for the good of those who love Him.  (Romans 8:28)

I hurt for my brothers and sisters.  I continually pray for them, for strength, for comfort, for peace, for wisdom.  God knows exactly what they're going through and exactly how they're feeling.  He loves them so much more than I do.  And so we trust Him.

Of course there's a happy ending to Joseph's story.  We know what it is and that is why his life is among the favorites in Christian circles.  We can see God's plan from the beginning to end.  We see the big picture in Joseph's life because it is written down for us to see.  But think how Joseph must have felt.  He didn't know the ending to his story.  He didn't know why these things happened.  But he continued to be faithful to God, trusting Him.

And so it is with us.  We don't know the outcome of our trials...and sometimes we won't know until heaven God's purpose.  But we trust that God knows what He's doing.  That's all we can do.

So, to my friends enduring fiery trials, I love you and I'm praying for you.  When you weep, I weep with you.  You are my brothers and sisters in Christ and one day there will be no more sorrows and no more tears.

Ozark Family Camp

The morning after our VBS, our family took off to Missouri for Ozark Family Camp at Turkey Hill Ranch Bible Camp.  This was our 4th time attending (we think) in 7 years.  We have always enjoyed going.

We stayed in Cedar Lodge.

Our room was on the back side of this buiding which was really nice.



And this was my view every morning when I sat and read my Bible.  Loved it.

We arrived late Saturday evening, missing supper and chapel.  We found our cabin, unpacked and set things up to be livable for a week.  Then we waited for people to come out of chapel so we could go and mingle with everyone...and of course enjoy the evening snack.

We ate all of our meals in this building.  The lobby and the canteen are downstairs and the dining hall is upstairs.  The pool sits just outside of it.

Sunday morning, we enjoyed a fairly relaxing day.  We got reaquainted with a few people and I went swimming with the kids.

On Monday, I was asked to help with the little kids (ages 3-5) between their classes.  Kim and I took the kids to the playground.

I took a much needed nap in the afternoon.  I had just come off of a high-adrenaline week of VBS and hadn't had a chance to let it crash.

I took a walk with Little A to the gym when the following conversation ensued:

A: I want to be a hologram.

Me: A hologram?  Why?

A: So people could just go right through me!

Me: Oh, like Al on Quantum Leap?

A: Yes!  I wish all humans could be holograms, but that's just not how it is.

Believe me, I got quite a laugh from that conversation.

At evening chapel, I finally got up my nerves to sing.  After having attended this camp off and on for 7 years, I only got up to sing once and that was with 3 other people.  This time, I was singing by myself, while playing the piano.  Singing and playing at the same time is a new talent I have finally obtained.  I sang my own version of the hymn "Trusting Jesus."

Since I had taken the kids to the playground that morning, I missed the end of the women's class taught by Carol Bramsen.  Little did I know that after I had left, she quoted the hymn, "Trusting Jesus."  I was told a couple days later.  There are no coincidences.

That evening I was super excited to lead the devotions in one of the single girls' cabins.  I had volunteered a few weeks prior to do this, but hadn't heard whether or not I would have this opportunity.  The director asked me that morning if I could do it.  I spent some of my afternoon preparing, although I had already been praying about what to talk about if I got to do this.  I knew one of the girls already...or should I say young women?  They were all probably in their late teens, early 20s.  I met most of the others and we chatted for a bit.

I encouraged them to come to the Lord with thanksgiving.  We so often throw out our requests for ourselves without thanking Him for what He's already given us.  It was something the Lord had been teaching me through my devotional book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  I'm so quick to ask for things, I sometimes forget to still be thankful.  I used to make it a point to thank God for something every time I prayed before I went on with the rest of my prayer, but somehow that habit got lost over the years.  Perhaps when I began to truly understand "pray without ceasing" did I forget to be thankful at the same time.

Tuesday, I did laundry.  I actually got started early enough that I still wasn't in there late at night.  I also had the chance to go swimming again.

J is sitting on the edge of the pool.

I was searching for a volleyball team who needed another player.  I didn't care if it was spike or non-spike, I just wanted to play.  But it seemed as though all the teams were full.  As I was headed up to the lobby, a friend walked by asking people to join his team.  I gladly volunteered to join.  So I quickly changed clothes and headed to the gym.

We played in the non-spike tournament and came in 3rd out of 4.  Not bad!  In fact, we were all pretty excited.

The kids made some good friends, too.

Here is Little A with just 2 of them.  She got along particularly well with the boy.  Should we be worried?

Wednesday, the women got to enjoy a tea party.  We wore fun hats, ate finger food, and of course, drank tea.

K became friends with Kim's daughter (the one who helped me with kids on Monday).

At the tea party, all the newbies got to share 2 truths and a lie about themselves.  We had to guess which one was the lie.  Since I'm not a newbie, I didn't get to share.  So here are my 2 truths and a lie:

I taught myself how to play the guitar.

I have been to 48 states.

I used to work for a dating service.

Can you tell me which one is the lie?

The girls also got to go on pony rides.

Little A made friends with another little girl.  They found a worm near our cabin and named her Lydia.  Unfortunetly, it did not survive long after the girls took it out of its natural environment.  Little A wanted to make a grave marker for Lydia but she just simply had to let her go.

Thursday morning, a young woman shared a beautiful song during the women's class.  That afternoon I attended a parenting panel where 4 long-time fathers answered questions from us younger parents.  It was amazing.  I wish it didn't have to end.  Who needs to eat?

Seth and I played a little ping pong and then it was time to head to bed in our cabins for the last time.

Friday morning we got everything packed up.  K and her friend made up a skit they wanted to perform for Kim and me.  (I wonder where she gets the idea to make up a skit? haha)  It was their own rendition of "The Princess Bride" and it included Little A and Kim's younger daughter.

They did very well, including several lines from the movie.  It is, of course, the most quotable movie ever made.  There was kidnapping and pirates and eels and unwanted rhyming....but it was taking entirely too long and we needed to get on the road.  So, I said with the straightest face and in all seriousnes, "Skip to the end."

Kim about died laughing.

So they skipped to the wedding.  But by then Kim was laughing so hard and I was giggling, I have no idea what happened after that.

We piled into our van for the long trip back to Wichita.  It was a fun week.